I’m the lunatic that decided to start this company. And my biggest ask and first question when anyone says “How can I help?” is this: Tell me your story. I know it’s unfairly hard to share and even harder as a pilot to have acceptable grammar for the internet, but I promise it will be worth it. I’ll start.
Here is my story. The real one. Without holding anything back – as my old Sales VP said, “I’m going open kimono”. He was the best performing sales colleague I ever had and a friend…so I trust his advice – if it’s a mistake he owes me a lot of drinks for the bad consulting advice he didn’t know he was giving. I had been in a secret internal battle with what I now know as anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder since I was in early high school; one of my family members was a pilot that ended his life; one of my siblings is an addict that has tried; my two closest friends have anxiety and one was hospitalized for an eating disorder; my grandmother was an alcoholic and struggled enough with her own body image that she built an entire company to help others. But those are their stories to share, and this is mine. I hope they’ll feel safe to put it in writing one day for everyone else that might need to hear it. If you’re a pilot unclear on the regulations (trust me, we all are) please share it anonymously. We can add names later. I would argue it is even more powerful. Why? Because it shows the issue I’m taking on and our lack of trust with an industry that is supposed to help us. Your story helps someone not feel alone. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
For some reason, even with all of the glaring genetic lottery warning signs I was surrounded with, I never put 2 and 2 together. I never entertained the fact that I could be grouped in with their lifelong battles. And it is a life long battle in every sense of the word, the only thing that varies is which side wins.
Maybe I ignored it because I’m Jenna and everyone knows Jenna is happy, full of life, the one you don’t have to worry about, and ready to take on the world. Maybe it’s because it is not ok or acceptable to talk about mental health as a pilot. But while I smiled through the days surrounded by friends, I cried many nights or when I was alone. While I’ve had 1000 amazing times, I’ve also had 1000 heartbreaking times that still bring instant tears to my eyes YEARS later. If my parents ever knew what I was going through they might have had instant heart attacks. Had they known. (To be honest, a selfish part of me is a tiny bit glad I waited to tell them until I found my own way out because I love them too much to accidentally kill them with worry.) Joking. Obviously don’t wait as long as I did.
The point is, those closest to me had no idea I was struggling, until now. Honestly, most days my mental struggles were hidden from the entire world (even myself) because It didn’t fit in with the Jenna I wanted to be. But it is me, and don’t worry, I’m here to stay.
11 is the number of years it took me to finally talk to someone. Her name was Angie (www.angiespeller.com) and after I wept uncontrollably while also laughing hysterically for an hour at how ridiculous I felt, she looked at me calmly and said “Okay. You need to just feel it. Whatever it is, just feel it and stop pushing it down. Stop covering your pain with laughter. And Jesus woman, go cry in front of someone because apparently, this is new to you!”
9 is the number of months it took me to try anxiety medication after a counselor gently suggested I escalate to a doctor. I didn’t want to give up flying just yet, so I tried every holistic therapy the internet could offer me. I now have a puppy, a love for tea, my house smells amazing, I’m more flexible than ever, my lungs have probably tripled in size, and I have my Florida tan back from being outside all the time. All great outcomes! There was just still something missing: Serotonin in my brain. That…And my husband’s patience for not putting my health first. He is the one that yelled at me to go to a real doctor for which I will be forever grateful. He said “I love you whether you’re a pilot or not and frankly I want my wife back.” So to the dreaded psych I went. Side note – He’s a data analyst for IBM and his rational spreadsheet approach on the opportunity cost of “talking” was hard to argue with. (Hard is the key word, I still did.)
4 is the number of weeks it took me to feel alive again with an FAA approved list medication called lexapro. After I thought I just voluntarily sabotaged my pilot career and 10+ years of school/work/training, the psych calmly said “Oh my ex-husband is a pilot, you don’t have to give up flying we have 4 meds to try from the FAA-approved list first. Why does no one know this?” Yes, I thought, WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW THIS?
2 is the number of months it takes for me to get my pilot medical back once my brain is reset (60 days but who’s counting?!) And I honestly feel like it is, but I’ll enjoy the luxury of being a passenger for a little bit longer. Hint, hint. You can also help by flying pilots that are taking a break and still want to be in the clouds.
1 is the number of seconds it takes for someone to end their life. 1 is also the number of seconds it took for me to hit “publish”. What can you do with 1 second? I bet it’s something amazing.
28 is the number of years it took me to realize I can’t sit back in silence anymore, especially after everything I’ve learned. I invite you to join me and my POSI (catchy right?) to do something about this stigma. Let’s make some ripples, you never know which ones might turn into a tidal wave. Honestly I just started the company yesterday and it feels like the wave has already started, I’m just trying to hang on to the ride.
1,000,000+ is the number of people I’m recruiting for this project. I’m in search of storytellers, mentors, professionals (please say you’re an aviation attorney), and anyone with information that helps if someone only knew about it. I can’t pay you just yet, but I’m a big fan of Starbucks gift cards and give out killer titles. Just ask the best friends I’ve recruited within 24 hours of starting this website and filing the paperwork for a new Non-Profit: Project Open Skies Inc.
Keep going; keep flying; start talking. And everyone else…start listening.
We’re lucky to have you on our wing, Jenna M. Slater Founder & Executive Director Project Open Skies Inc. Human; Commercial Pilot; MS in Aeronautics; Certificate of Management in Aviation Safety jenna.michele.slater@gmail.com projectopenskies@gmail.com
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