By Anonymous Pilot
I spent 10 years as a Marine Corps pilot flying MV-22 Ospreys. I was an exemplary pilot, continuously receiving praise for my performance both in the air and on the ground -- but for years, I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough, that I was an imposter, that everyone else looked down on me as a subpar member of the ready room. In 2019, I was at the end of my rope: breaking down in tears unexpectedly, hating my job just as I was about to lead one of the most exciting MV-22 missions of my career. My sister begged me to seek help and I called the first therapist I found on Google.
That therapist changed my life: she taught me how to coach myself through moments of self-doubt, how to manage performance anxiety, how to bounce back when I fell short of my own expectations. I don't know if I could have made it through the next several years on deployment and as a flight instructor had it not been for my decision to seek therapy.
I never told anyone that I was seeing a therapist; I couldn't imagine admitting that kind of vulnerability, and I was afraid people would see me as weak and unable to handle the stressors of flight.
In retrospect, I wish mental health struggles had been more widely shared, so I didn't have to feel like I was the only one who had ever suffered from self-doubt and performance anxiety. I wish I hadn't felt so ashamed and weak; I wish I had known that everyone needs help sometimes. I wish I had not had to hide the fact that I needed mental health care at a low point in my career. I wish all pilots knew that they are not alone in their struggles, there is help out there if they are brave enough to seek it, and mental health care will make them stronger in the air and on the ground.
Comments