By Anonymous Pilot
Try being: the 7 year old girl at a sleepover who wakes up in the middle of the night begging to go home because she can’t sleep. Why? Because, her dad is a firefighter and she can’t stop thinking about what would happen if something happened to him at work and how much she would miss him.
How about being so sad in 3rd grade about you’r grandparents being gone for a month traveling, that you got in trouble for glueing a photo of them to your spacemaker. (Yes, I’m dating myself.)
I left for college twice, once I immediately went home. The second time I begrudgingly stayed and threw up Wendy’s chicken nuggets all over the parking lot. I was so afraid of all the change. Once I finally did it, it was the best decision of my life! But it took me nearly 2 times as long as my 7 roommates to settle in.
Finally after college I was discussing these reoccurring but not too common instances with my doctor and they suggested that, I’m not weird at all. I just have generalized anxiety disorder. Which, is mild and very easily treatable with a low dose of an SSRI. Seems simple, right?
Right and wrong. The FAA is not quite as on board with mental health as you’d assume they would be considering people are flying metal tubes through to sky marginally below the speed of sound.
I’m a little older now and the important things in life are making themselves even more noticeable. I have lost a few acquaintances to aviation accidents. Things like the state of the world, politics, finances, the normal work week and societal pressure just weigh a little heavier on me than some others.
I sweat the what if’s, a lot. I get so worried about the what if’s I forget to enjoy life. I’m not unsafe, in fact, arguably I’m a extra safe because of how detail oriented and checklist obsessed I am. I just worry a little more about, my family when I’m on the road, my dogs if I leave them with a treat or bone while I’m gone, or if I turned off my iron. You know, I just triple check to make sure it’s off, don’t you?
I just want to be able to do my dream job AND be happy. One would think doing my dream job would make me happy but, for someone like me, there’s a lot of really small barriers that add up and make me too afraid to even try.
I know the FAA has a process for a reason and I respect that. I just highly encourage them to really take advice from a patients doctors who they have an established relationship with. I encourage them to not treat every case of using an SSRI the same. Caring for your mental health has such a stigma for pilots. Pilots are human too, they aren’t robots. Sometimes, even they need help and a little serotonin boost.
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