20 Years Later

By Anonymous Pilot

While going through flight training, one of my oldest and closest friends died suddenly of heart failure… a month later I was raped by someone I had known for years…

when I told my flight instructor this, he sympathized and wanted to help but told me that in no way shape or form, should I go to counseling of any kind.

He said doing so would completely ruin my flying career. I would not be able to get a medical or a job with any sort of diagnosis of depression or anxiety from my “experiences”…

20 years later I have finally gotten the help I needed. I battle depression. I have general anxiety. And I balance both with medication. But because of that diagnosis and those medications I am unable to fly because I pose a risk to the general public.

Today, with my medications and diagnosis, I would not be able to get a medical with out jumping through major hoops. And those hoops become smaller and catch fire when the words “depression” “anxiety” and “Suicide” is mentioned. During my 20 years of emotional hell of dealing with my friends death and my fucking rape, I agree… I was untreated, unmedicated and utterly helpless, I was in no condition to fly. Today, I am happy. I have family and friends that I love dearly. I love my medications and therapist for helping me through the worst. And I have a job in aviation that has had its ups and downs but still helps me provide.

Ironically, the thing that the FAA fears (suicidal or unmediated pilots) is more of reality because of their inability to recognize mental health and mental health treatment as what it is: normal, healthy, necessary.

What is Your Title?: Aviation Professional

What Is Your Favorite Quote?: Find a way or make one.